Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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