i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
