other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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