hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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