I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
