The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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