ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
