i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
