You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
