3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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