Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
