Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
