My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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