Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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