"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
