Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
