YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
