I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
