Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
