Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Houston, we have a blender
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
