Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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