I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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