not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
