Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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