I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
