My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
