And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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