I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
