last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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