So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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