Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
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