Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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