i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
this hospital has no fireball
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
you made out with another girl for some wings
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
