it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
