Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
