I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
