the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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