now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
