my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's Friday. Sex?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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