Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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