Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
