Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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