Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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