She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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