I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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