I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
