Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
