Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
