that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
