accomplished twins. life is a go
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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