I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
