Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
