Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
