Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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