So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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